“Unplugged” – cell phone use and how it affects relationships

I did this interview a year ago and this production was completed by students “Take 7 Productions”.  It is short and meaningful.  Check it out.

2014 in review – interesting stats! I am so pleased to see how I have international followers. Join us! Tell me what you’d like to read about.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 470 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 8 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Sex-Positive Parenting

After reading this article, I felt it contained enough good information to post it to my blog and give you a thumbs up for taking your precious time to check it out.

Lea Grover’s article: “This is What Sex-Positive Parenting Really Looks Like

Girls on Hanne shoot May 2014

It is true that our children are sexual beings, like anyone else, and that this is the foundation of our humanness, whether you choose to be sexual or not.

It is true that laying the foundation for good healthy sex education begins in infancy, making our jobs as parents much easier and more successful in the long run.

For many parents it remains daunting to ‘start the conversation’ but it begins before our little ones are even verbal so we might as well make it intentional rather than unconscious and potentially rife with the kinds of messages we really don’t intend to pass on.

This article speaks to conversations that begin ages three and up, perhaps? There is a certain beautiful and critically important feminist angle to it which I really appreciate.  When reading this article and speaking to your little boys it goes the same, just switching the words vulva with penis!

Although the learning in this article begins age 3-ish, I always encourage parents to begin talking to their little ones when just months old and on, while diapering or bathing them, and to use the scientific words, saying them over and over until it is just the most normal thing in the world even for the parents.  🙂  As they age and begin exploring their body parts, and their friends body parts, with more intention and enthusiasm, it helps to have a foundation of language and awareness in both the parent and the child to enable the continuing complexities to be gracefully addressed.

As parents we do our very best for our children and focus on important aspects like nutrition, sleep, play, education, social and emotional intelligence; sexuality and gender education is no different. If you feel perplexed to deal with it all, or don’t know where to begin, be in touch!

Enjoy your read I believe it will be well worth your time.

Feeling ho-hum about looking at your sex stuff?

With all that we face every day, all of the pressures to perform on multiple levels of our life, for example, house holding, finances, fitness, family, and everything else in between, our sexuality tends to either take a major backseat, or we indulge more than would be helpful to keep a balanced life.

As with everything in life balance is key but achieving this can just seem out of reach or just another ‘thing’ to add to our plate. Frankly, it’s not sexy!

As a person who is always in constant pursuit of self-development and improving my happiness quotient I seek to achieve this challenge of balance in everything I do, and most importantly everything I feel and think. Although we can’t always be on top of it finding time to feel pleasure has innumerable benefits to the body, mind, and soul. Nurturing our pleasure centers is crucial for our overall well-being.

Many of us choose to nurture our pleasure centers with food, or exercise, good times with friends, television, being in nature, or drinking and taking other intoxicants. These all have good and sometimes unhealthy outcomes. We know this. I feel the slippery slope has to do with choosing something that is outside of ourselves that we are putting inside. Filling ourselves up with the pleasures of life is sought to help us up our happiness quotient. This is all fine if we can do it in a healthy way but that can sometimes come with a lot of negative as well.

Personally, I find spending time pleasuring your body with your own energies and simply what’s around you is one of those rare ‘you can’t lose’ type of activities. By this I mean spending time with yourself, seeing beautiful things, experiencing your breath, listening to natural sounds / the silence around you, feeling your touch or the warmth of the sun on your skin, the breeze, the water that you surround yourself with. If you feel inspired to self pleasure do so without the tools, toys and ‘TV’ – as if you are stranded on a deserted island!

Nurturing your own ability to experience the very simplest pleasures of life, including a self induced orgasm, will fill you with the juice of life that we seek – and need – in our daily experience; to help us find the balance that supports our best good.
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Newest workshop coming up on Sat, July 26th~!

SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT:  Your keys to a great sex life.

Bring a friend for your cheapest ticket price.

Come and have some fun and learn easily applicable tools to your great sex life~! My husband, Jamie, and myself are going to be sharing a series of exercises to create and build your wisdom on having a very satisfying sex life. We promise you will come away with more than you bargained for.

We have an affiliate program where you will earn $6 for every ticket you sell so please be in touch and we will sign you up with that. http://slieducation.com/contact.php

You have wisdom you need within

We hear all the time how we must seek wisdom from outside of ourselves. See a Professional. Research. Educate. Search the net. We also hear “the answers you need are within yourself”. Go meditate, for example!

What if you could take any issue that is bothering you within yourself and remove the charge, the negative energy, that may be swinging you to one side or from side to side, causing confusion and stagnation? What if you were able to efficiently use your self reflection time to find the solutions you need to move forward with clarity and strength?  No more nights ruminating instead of sleeping.

I welcome you to attend one of my “Freedom Workshops” to have a firsthand demonstration and experience with the kind of exercise that I’m about to explain, and be  supported by myself and my co-facilitator husband, Jamie Saunders-Wilmott. There is nothing quite like being fully supported to deeply integrate an exercise that will bring you the calmness and clarity required to move forward in our lives.

In the event you can’t make it, the exercise goes something like this:

Find the time to drop into your body through a favorite type of activity, i.e. walking, running, biking, yoga, bathing – just ensure that you have the space to go within and be clear of distractions.  Identify the problem you have into a few words.  Inquire and answer both questions equally, going back and forth – what’s good about this problem? What’s bad about this problem? Keep answering both questions about the original problem until there is nothing more to say on either side.

The results from doing this type of ***internal inquiry*** will surprise you. Don’t give up thinking there’s absolutely nothing good about this problem, or thinking there’s nothing bad about it. Keep working until you feel there is literally nothing more to say on either side, equally. The results that you will achieve from this practice will save you in time, money, and seeking information that may do nothing but confuse you.

The body is very, very wise and knows more than you could possibly imagine.  Ensure you listen to what it will tell you during this process as well.  Do an activity that drops you in to your body while you inquire with your mind.

If you’d like some coaching and a written version of this process, please be in touch with me. This is something you can take into any aspect of your life to find the wisdom you have within.  The wisdom and balance to move forward with clarity and resolve.

With love

Julia

*** This simple yet effective process, known as “End of Words” was created by Zivorad Slavinski and taught to me by Harmony Integration Academy.

The Language of Love

Relationship is complex – no matter a lover, a friend, a family member.  The way we ‘speak’ and ‘listen’ to the other can serve to connect us and bring us closer, or it can serve to separate us.   I believe that individuals speak different languages, that words and behaviours have different meanings to each individual.  From there I postulate that a healthy, successful relationship has individuals who know themselves, their desires, irritations and the like, and are able to communicate these preferences to others in a “Non-Violent” type of way.  These healthy, successful relationships have individuals who have the ability to understand and effectively act on the expressions from another.  They have dedicated themselves to the practice of learning why a person speaks the language they do, and learning and practicing how to respond effectively.  These essential pieces, when practiced to the best of our ability,  will lessen the complexity and mistakes we make when communicating within our relationships.

That said, language can be very complex to understand and difficult to express, especially in the realm of  “The 5 Love Languages”, (physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service).  As Dr. Gary Chapman speaks of, our individual love language is a huge part of the connection/separation equation I mentioned.   Knowing and jiving with your partners love language will bring you both a lot of joy, and help you to experience a lot of love for each other.  It will deepen your connection.  Sound good?  In this light, when seeking a romantic relationship, it would be a good ‘interview’ question, for dating sites and those first inquiring types of dates where we are getting to the bones of a person’s values.  It is, in fact, a good exploration for any stage of relationship~!

On the flip side, separation occurs when there is too much polarity between love languages, especially primary ones.  This can be detrimental.  For example, my primary form of love language is TOUCH.  My partners is Words of Affirmation.  I like words of affirmation too….  But the kicker is that the least important or meaningful expression of love for him is Touch.  This translates in our relationship that he can feel irritable when I touch him, especially when he’s feeling ‘low’.  Touch is not what he craves or thinks he needs. As Touch is a deep expression of love for me it is my ‘go to’ response to someone feeling down. As this doesn’t work for him, I want to find something else inside me that will feel authentic, yet work to support and connect to him in a way that speaks to him.

At this point, I essentially have to resist myself to serve the relationship. Touch is the expression I prefer in just about every situation, up, down, sideways, you name it. In fact, I like a lot of touch – you might consider me ‘touchy-feely’.  If I want to feel loved, above all else, I will seek physical touch.  It can come in the form of sitting with me, massaging me, cuddling me, groping, kissing, hugging me, laying with me, making love with me, yearning for my touch…. you get the idea.  To fill my ‘love tank’ in this manner enables me to be the best lover/friend/family member/citizen in this world.  I want very much to be the best I can be in this life, so I’m quite motivated to experience a lot of touch.

The struggle between my partner and I goes deep for me because I come from the belief that we will die without Touch.  Here’s an important tip within the blog – touch is healing on so many levels, for so many things that ail us.  For example, babies spending their first few days/weeks in an incubated environment must be touched regularly and often to ensure they will thrive.  Babies die without touch.  As we grow up and become adults how does this change? I believe we all die in some ways without touch.  All people who feel they don’t get enough touch, I recommend a prescription of regular massage, attending cuddle parties, or ask for support from trusted friends/family/lovers to receive and experience the touch you need.   I take this advice myself.

Touch from my loving partner is the connection I most crave and want.  You can imagine that we are quite challenged to speak this important love language with each other and to connect on a daily basis.   I feel rejected most of the time because he is Not Touching Me and I know he doesn’t want my touch when and the way I like to give it, so I avoid touching him. He isn’t getting his love tank filled in the way he wants either, mostly because I feel shut down about all this and withdrawal in order to protect myself.  In this crucial love language and experience of life, I feel empty and sad more days than not.

So, how do we get around this?  Talk it out in therapy till our budget is blown?  Practice acceptance and ‘deal’? Move on? Open Marriage (which often just leads to divorce)?!

Experiencing this great disharmony in my life, as a professional coach, you can imagine I seek endlessly for healing and clarity.  Lately I’ve discovered, studied about, and attended a Harmony Integration Coach Training and have been working hard at giving and getting sessions in this incredibly profound work. There has been a huge improvement in how I feel about myself, the relationship, and him. Part of the work I do is to remove the charge out of the negative experience I have in relationship so I can choose from a centered place.  I have successfully removed negative emotions that limit me and my relationships are definitely improving.  The freedom I experience now is so invigorating~!

This work also gives me true understanding of where he is coming from which is hugely insightful and helps to build authentic compassion for him.  Being centered, grounded, with no negative charge around, say, the rejection, helps me to choose clearly as to how I want to respond; how I want to move forward.  Every couple will benefit from seeing a coach or counselor about improving their ability to connect and grow together.  First and foremost, however, we must work on and heal ourselves in order to develop to our full potential.

It makes sense, right? If you want to achieve a goal:

  1. To learn to love yourself fully and completely.
  2. To learn to know yourself and express yourself authentically.
  3. To experience the relationship you’ve always wanted.
  4. To take your ability to love and connect to the next level.
  5. To embody love and to live free.

In the words of Abby Bordner, “it’s incredibly powerful to have the support and guidance of someone who knows how to get there…  Your chances of success are much higher.  A coach is someone who will help you identify your goals, make a plan, guide you and hold you accountable. It’s valuable beyond measure.”

Many people attribute their success, health and happiness to their work with a coach.  What goals could a coach help you achieve this year?

Be in touch.

Re-Engagement Anyone?

Beloved readers, first let me assure you that my silence has meant nothing but the best intentions and highest work on myself for the benefit of all whom I touch and work with.

For those following me closely, I took a bit of a sabbatical from the sex ed world, not only to have my second child, but to re-craft and reconsider my life’s work and the steps to bring it to reality. For those who are just reading about me now, I have spent over a decade deep in formal (and out of the box) education, honing skills as a sexuality ‘expert’ – in the entertainment field, to workshop programmer and facilitator, to a Sex Ed Curriculum Specialist, then Teacher Trainer.  More recently, bringing together my formal education on family systems and early childhood body science education (and my ‘on the ground’ experience becoming a mother), I have focused on parent workshops and professional development – facilitating counsellors, coaches, teachers and parents how to have sensitive conversations in the ‘every day’ or in every day classrooms/in their practices.

Whew.  All the while seeking ‘how can I bring my life’s work closer to actualizing change I could see and feel’?  How can I possibly do it all, being a mother of two? Sound familiar?

My heart spoke clearly that I wanted to Read more…